Sadie, Wolf, And Friends
Transcribed by Lisa Carver
One thing they never teach in parenting classes: kids are weird. They’re funny, bizarre little critters who are learning about the world around them, and this prompts them to say and act in bizarre ways and comment upon the world around them in ways that might seem strange to someone who isn’t their parent. Our friend and sometimes contributor Lisa Carver, though, has always been an excellent scrivener, of a kind not seen since Plato wrote of Socrates’ teachings, or St. Paul’s documentation of the birth of Christianity. Lisa’s been doing this for years; it’s what made her magazine Rollerderby such a fascinating, compelling, fun, and important read.
But there’s a new breed of Carver out there, and her name is Sadie. She is thirteen years old, a star athlete and prize-winning cheerleader, and on top of all that, she is quickly following in the footsteps of her artist mother and her painter/author older brother, Wolf, both with her visual art and her literary skills. But she is her own young woman, budding into and developing styles that are clearly her own, distinctive from her family, but most definitely Carver-esque.
Sadie, Wolf, and Friends is her first offering, built around a transcription of a few years’ worth of dialogue, and it is a wonderful treat for the entire family. Case in point: my elderly father read it and loved every moment. His comment was that it reminded him of when he had his own funhouse full of teenagers, and she captures it with eagle-eye precision the oddity and humor of life’s little mundane moments that might otherwise be missed. I can’t help but agree with that assessment. Whip-smart, sassy, intelligent, off-the-wall, and weird, that is what makes Sadie, Wolf, and Friends such a delightful, fun, enjoyable, and engaging read.
But to fully appreciate this book, you have to read it for yourself, and I couldn’t resist sharing some of my favorite quotes. I had to think long and hard on these, because there are so many to choose from, and I don’t want to give away the best parts for free!
On Telling Jokes:
Sadie: All this laundry is Wolf’s.
Me: Wolf’s the whites guy in the house.
Me: You gotta watch how you joke at school. Not everyone thinks everything is funny.
Sadie: Why not?
Me: I don’t know.
Sadie: You asked Siri to tell you a Hitler joke.
Never Attempt To One-Up Sadie
Sadie: Mr. Drinkwater told us to throw away our trash, so Ashlee said, “Sadie, put yourself in the trashcan.” So I said, “Okay, I’ll put myself in you.”
It’s a wonder some kids even get born!
Me: Do you guys want to hear about my worst date in the world?
Sadie: My dad told me about his worst date in the world. With you.
Me: I don’t remember us having any bad dates.
Sadie’s Dad: The first night, when you threw up all over me.
Me: Oh yeah. I forgot about that.
Sadie the Nihilist
Me: How does it feel being a teenager? Any difference?
Sadie: Just a year closer to death
Sadie: Wolf’s Motivational Coach
Sadie: [taking Wolf’s self-portrait out of the garbage] Don’t throw it away—this is good. It’s really good.
Wolf: I don’t look good.
Sadie: You didn’t make yourself the most handsome man in the world. But it’s true, you drew it true. I don’t mean to say you’re not handsome, but… you tried to tell the truth.
Wolf’s Happiest Time
Wolf: The happiest moment of my life was when we got Sunshine the hamster. And when Sadie came to life. I was in a deep sleep when she was being born, and then I woke up and there was Sadie.
Me: What did she look like?
Wolf: Kind of what she looks like now, except… I don’t want to be mean, but she had a breakout on her face. But after a few years, she grew a little more happy and more pretty.
Sadie: No, the happiest moment was when I bit Wolfgang.
Wolf: That was not my happiest moment.
Wolf The Fashionista
Sadie: There’s this guy at my school who wears socks and sandals every day! And he’s one of the cool people!
Wolf: Mom, is there really such a thing as cool and uncool people?
Me: I guess society is made up of people’s perceptions.
Wolf: Some people think I’m not cool, but I could be if I wanted to, if I wore a bow tie.
The Best Comment In The Book
Sadie: Men from Texas are the worst. They eat chili.
We sure do, Sadie. We sure do…and as a matter of fact, here’s the chili most preferred by Men From Texas.